Mzungu, Bye

*Originally written before leaving, but because of power-outages and flight changes, it couldn't be posted until today.

Life isn't fair. I understand that now. Sometimes you will put in more that you will get out. Sometimes you will find that your time-limit has been cut short. Sometimes you will face unmovable, unjumpable, un-deconstructable (indestructible would be the word, but that doesn't start with 'un') brick walls that separate you from your goal.

I'm being sent home early. The Ugandan government has declined my visa renewal, and I leave Friday morning. Shrinking my final moments here from 3 months to 2 days feels so surreal. It really hasn't set in yet. I just feel rushed. I don't really have that many loose ends to tie up, I just need to say my goodbyes to so many people. Some I won't be able to say that to. Like Bangi. Bangi has become one of my best friends here, but I will never be able to properly say goodbye since he is away until next Wednesday.

I guess I'm not that upset about being forced to go. It actually kind of feels like a weight lifted from my chest. For the past few weeks, I have had my visa situation in the back of my mind, nagging, never quite letting me focus on anything else. Even though this is probably the worst way it could have ended, any sort of resolution is comforting. I don't feel like my work here is unaccomplished or incomplete. I know that I tried to make the most positive impact on these kids as possible, given the obstacles we had to face. I'm proud of our work here. Even though there is still so much more to be done, I know that there will be others to fill my shoes when I'm gone.

For my last couple of blog posts, I was planning on making some lists. Just something light: What I'll miss, What I won't miss, What I will never take for granted again. That all seems tacky now. I know what I'm going to take away from this. I know the experiences and lessons I will never forget. In light of recent events, it's clear to me that I have been so lucky to even have receive them in the first place. I know the kids smiling faces and the my time with them will be something I will miss. I know I have helped some of them, even if it was just by being a friend when they needed it. I know the things and people that I am going home to, and I know the comfort I will feel then I get there. The only thing I can do for now is appreciate my final days. After all...

"There's nothing up ahead that's any better than it is right now."
~Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance